My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize