Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
