Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
