Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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