Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize