Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
