you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
