Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
