this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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