Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
