xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
