Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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