listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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