I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
