What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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