There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
