Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
