I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
