1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
