if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
