Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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