I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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