Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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