Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
