i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry about my life...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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