I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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