i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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