I CAN MOONWALK!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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