the condom got lost in my hair
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
