Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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