I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she pinky promised me she was 18
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
