Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
