You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
