We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize