If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
