your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There's even glitter on my cock...
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