I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He keeps bees of course he's weird
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
