So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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