the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
