hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
