I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The air taste purple.
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