So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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