someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
