what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize