so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
