shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
