when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
