she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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