Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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