Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
