I hope mine doesn't look like that
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
