she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
