I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
