R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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