it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
