I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
