Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
