i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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