lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize