White coat. Heels.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
